Learning to Stop
Today's just a short post on motherhood, and how I'm transitioning from work for myself full time, to being a mom full time - and having a business on the side (though the business is very much still "full time" in hours and income).
The biggest lesson I'm learning is how to STOP.
I have one of those crazy, hour-by-hour day calendars where every minute of my day is meticulously plotted out. And yes, before you laugh at me, I do realize that a baby now messes with that type of scheduling entirely. I knew it would even before Emerson came along, and I now schedule in approximates (try to do this around 1 pm... but 5 pm is also close enough).
But... I still have my lists, and every day I feel like I'm sprinting from one thing to the next. It's a mad dash to stay on track with a baby's schedule while also calling clients, communicating with my subcontractors, oh... and yeah, actually designing. So one of the hardest things to do is make myself just stop.
With the schedule we have Emerson on, routine is everything (as in when the routine is kept, we have a very happy baby on our hands). So we have a little pre nap routine, which includes me holding him, still, in the silence of his room, while he starts to get drowsy and prep for sleep time. At first, I struggled. I wanted to pick up my phone and check my email, so that the second he was down I had my game plan. But that wasn't me focusing on him like I should... and, let's be honest, it's only 5 minutes. So I've gradually learned to dwell in the stillness, completely at a stop, and focus on my son.
I'm confident that prioritizing my son will result in real joy and happiness in my day, and that God will bless my successes in my business because of it. I'm called to be a mom FIRST... and man have I eagerly waited for the day that I could step into this role. I'm still working on that ever-so-desirable and yet unattainable balance between work and life, what it means to focus and provide for my family in all new ways, and continue to show up for my friends and clients. My days look different now, and I'm still discovering what my ideal days include (WHY cannot I not find a way to work exercise into it?)... but it's all a journey, and I've accepted that it'll take a while.
This is also one of Emerson's favorite things:
We can't walk by the big mirror in his room without him catching a glimpse of us – ALWAYS drawing out a smile and few cute "coos." It's easy to just keep walking since typically I'm on my way to grab his bottle or do something for him anyways. But some of the BEST moments have been standing in front of this mirror, cheek to cheek, as he talks and smiles and talks and smiles. All I have to do is be present, and actually commit to stopping.
As I continue to practice the art of stopping, I'd love to hear about your moments with your littles. What moments, though they seem so small, are so hugely amazing for you as a mom (or dad) that you otherwise would have missed if you hadn't just stopped?